first of all, new baby says hello,

Everything else shall come later in another entry~ for now.. i would like to rant... NEED to get some things off .. 

how shall i begin this... see, the way i am with ppl i'm not too close with, well closer than strangers/casual friends i know but just randomly bump into or see on occasions... i will still choose to remain on the quiet side. I prefer to listen most of the time. To an extent it's given the impression to these ppl that i'm the emo kind of person, whom i AM NOT. ask anyone whom i'm closer to, the last thing they will describe me with is emo. Nuff said. I do not see things simple, I see things through. For gaed's sakes my mind and brain works! 

Also by nature, i'm not the "in yo face prancy" sometimes it can pass off as attention seeking, shrieking perky chatty typical girl .. i just don't care about being in that circle.. having something to talk about constantly, in topic, and avoid silence.. i don't care about keeping up with what's currently popular and being talked about, hence i will have lesser topics of common interest to keep conversation. I just don't care. But that DOES NOT MEAN i'm a walkover. 

That DOES NOT MEAN i'm not worth being taken seriously when i DO speak or give suggestions. It's a nice feeling being in the "see i told you so" situation in an argument or debate.. but when that happens too often it can get quite annoying, pissing off, and irritating. I may not be correct ALL the time, but that doesn't mean there aren't times when I AM CORRECT and not worth giving a PROPER listen. HEAR ME OUT just ever so once in a while?

Secondly, I admit that i am not THE best of the best. not studying THE course to study, and just because you are, that doesn't mean it gives right for me to be looked upon as a rank lower, a class lower, that bit less worth., suppressed. I might be being over sensitive on this, but that's the message/feel i'm getting from some, NOT ALL, only from some. 

And finally, what is a close friend? someone whom you're comfortable with telling things the lesser known the better? A listener to your problems and woes in life? Someone who would be there for you when you need someone to talk things out with or when you're just not feeling right? If that's what a close friend is, does that only apply to when there is NO ONE ELSE around? but when there's a few more other people, that supposedly close friend gets totally ignored? The only time of acknowledgement is when you possibly were summoned to asked if the person is ready to leave the house for destination? I could just be; again, over sensitive on things, with the other person thinking, oh you're kinda playing host to visiting friend, hence you might be busy with her and thus i shall give you space and not disturb you. I shall go hang and chat with the others...and also, these other ppl, we have a common topic of interest, and a highly addictive one too..(it's kinda like how i can go non stop about kpop with fellow kpop-ing friends) but ever wondered a little acknowledgement of existence would be appreciated? Sometimes, i just feel used. 

Again, call me over sensitive again, but sometimes i just feel copied. Used. Like, i start something and it just gets followed/copied. For the sakes of attention. It's quite a common thing actually, whatever i feel's being copied/followed for, but the trend in which it happens, it's too coincidental to be called a coincidence/common occurrence. Is it that necessary, important, crucial to always be in the centre of attention, is it?

Really, I just don't care. But it's come to a stage where i just can't help it but go all *rolls eyes* when i see it occur/happen. It's got its limits too. 

I don't know if i'm really that awkward/weird of a person in real life... well i mean, the way i can click/kick off with friends made who have the common interest of kpop, it's so easy, no awkward moment at all .. slowly, over time after we've had talked more and understood each other more, real life issues blend in, we actually becomes really good and close friends. But with friends made who do not have that common topic, it's just that wee bit more awkward.